How To See Things Right | Rev. John Riley

All perception is misperception. This morning we’re going to go on a journey, continue our journey of finding spiritual wholeness and looking at the storms that are in our lives not from a lens of fear, uncertainty and doubt but looking at the storms in our lives with clear spiritual vision. 

The Journey to Spiritual Wholeness

We’ve been on this journey of finding wholeness now for a couple of weeks. And we began this idea first off, what is spiritual wholeness. Well, that’s a true nature that’s within us. That’s that spiritual essence, that spark of divinity, whatever you want to call it, but it’s that true nature that we live from and that we’re seeking to pull out in our lives. Throughout this talk series, we started with the idea of becoming friendly, of understanding that wholeness, of understanding our union, that common union that we have with each other. 

We began with that at base camp, with some basic skills, the skills of loving, learning to love, bless, to do good and to pray in our lives. Those were the skills that we were going to use along this spiritual adventure. And we began to start becoming comfortable with the idea of conflict, becoming comfortable that sometimes there are things in our lives that happen, and it’s okay. Along our first journey we discovered the first attribute of wholeness which is communion. That is our knowing our oneness, knowing that common union that we have with each other, knowing our unity with all of life, love and wisdom, our unity with God, our unity with each other. 

And we use the tool of forgiveness to realign ourselves to that idea that we are here to express that spiritual wholeness, that we can express that wholeness any time in our lives regardless of what’s happening around us. That tool helps us to clear out whatever blocks we might have had, the blocks that prevent us from knowing our oneness with God, from knowing our sacred worth, from knowing our oneness with each other, clearing out all of those blocks so that we can be in those storms and stand in our power with courage and strength. 

The Storms in Life

Now, the reality is there will be storms in our lives. In this human experience, there is change, there is conflict, there is confusion at times. All of those things exist and when we learn to look at it from a certain perspective, from a spiritual perspective, we can be in that situation, in those storms, but not feel diminished by them. We can be in the storm and not feel like we are being tossed along the rocks, being thrown along the shore. We could be in that experience of the storm but be in the centre of it, be at the centre where we are at peace, where we are whole, where we are one. And so, we are going to begin that journey today by looking at how we can see that experience of the storm for what it is and see ourselves and others in the storm, see them rightly without trying to fix everything. 

We’ve been using the book and — I’m sorry, we’ve been using the book along our journey — The I of the Storm, Embracing Conflict, and Creating Peace by Dr. Gary Simmons. And in this book, he helps us define the idea of what we mean by this eye of the storm. The metaphor is, of course, in the eye of the hurricane there is peace, it’s beautiful, it’s amazing. On the circumference, outside of the eye, outside of the centre is where all heck is breaking loose. Now, that’s where we tend to live as human beings. We tend to live in that circumference. We tend to live in that storm and we live in that storm because we are resisting and we’re fighting against the people, the situations. We are fighting against the storm. Whatever happens, happening in our life, we’re fighting against it and that’s when we get thrown along the rocks. 

And what’s interesting is when we are in that storm what we’re looking at or how we are experiencing it is a result of us living in those missing puzzle pieces within us, those missing pieces within us that are created by our belief systems that we grew up with, the BS that we were taught, the BS that the society tells us, that of the 19th or 20th century society tells us we should be, the BS that we have been, that has been embedded within us, that false sense of not being enough, that false sense of not being good enough, those habitual patterns that come up with us whenever we are in the storm. 

Whenever something happens, we tend to go towards that habitual reaction pattern of defensiveness, of redirection, of blame, of firing our own missiles across the bow. We tend to go into that experience of those unconscious beliefs of not enough, or that embedded pattern of blame, shame and guilt, that which has been embedded in us which is not the truth of who we are. Yes, we may experience that along the way but that’s not the truth of who you are. You are a spiritual being made in the image and likeness of all that is, of the Source, of the substance, of the infinite flow of life, love and wisdom, of God. And when we become friends with that concept, we can be in that storm and see the world through a different lens.

Now, part of the problem is not only are we seeing the conflict from our own missing puzzle pieces, what is missing within us, we are also seeing the conflict through someone else’s missing puzzle pieces because it’s so easy for us to acknowledge or to find their missing puzzle pieces, isn’t it? It may be hard for me to know where all of mine are. I’ve got some blind spots here. But when I look at someone else in a conflict, oh I know exactly where they are. “If you would only do this. If you would only think this way. If you’d only be this way.” We’re trying to fix them. We’re trying to fix the situation, instead of making it right, we need to be able to see it right. 

The Law of Mind Action

Now, in his book, Dr. Simmons said this, “we have a chance in how we interpret our life experience. Perhaps this is our major contribution to the quality of our lives. Our explanations, assumptions and judgments mediate how we relate to a given situation. The poignant observation led me to the following realization. I make my life mean what it means. The way I choose to relate to my experience is what my experience becomes. The quality of my life, its inherent ambience arises from within me.” Let’s take a deep breath as we realize that that practice, that principle that Rusty talked about earlier, that law of mind action, those things that we give great attention to, is how we live our life. That’s the lens through which we see our life. And so, the good news is, we have a choice. The challenge is, we want to be right. We’re stuck in our beliefs and even if we had an inkling that “Yeah I’m not quite right. I’m stuck in my bunker still because like heck if I’m going to lose to you”. We get stuck in the way we have these conversations. And so, in this aspect of wholeness, we’re relating not from our sense of wholeness, not from our sense of that divine spark, that essence within us, not from knowing our unity with each other. I’m attacking you from the missing pieces, and I’m relating to you from your missing pieces. So instead of trying to make it right we need to see it right. 

During these times, we tend to interpret someone else’s behaviors. Someone has a behavior, maybe it’s someone comes up and you’re all like “Hey, how’s it going, what’s up?” and they are like “Hi”. Now, we’re not just going to sit there and listen to that; we’re going to make a story out of it aren’t we. Isn’t that the natural human behavior? What did he mean by that hi? What did she mean by “what’s up?”. We start layering our stories on top of it and we start to see the world through that lens of fear, uncertainty and doubt rather than seeing it as someone just said hello, rather than seeing it as a simple data. 

The Second Attribute of Wholeness

The second attribute of wholeness is the idea of principle. So, on this journey as we are coming into these storms, as we’re seeing them approach, as we are in them, in the middle of them, what we need to do is come back to this idea and this energy of principle. Now, what do we mean by principle? Dr. Simmons says, “Principle is another way of describing the nature of the universe. It’s order and intelligence. It’s another word for God. Truth principles …” — which is what we talk about here, what we talk about in terms of what we learn, what we teach. We are teaching truth principles, as we best understand them – “Truth principles are ideas that organize our attention and awareness upon the ever-present, unchanging order, which manifests itself as God’s plan for good.” 

Truth principles, the truth that is unchanging, that idea of God as principle, meaning God is unchanging. God is the unchanging law of prosperity. God is the unchanging law of consciousness. God is the unchanging allness of life. God is the allness of wisdom. God is the allness of knowledge. It’s not that God knows everything, but God is the allness of knowledge. All wisdom is contained there and therefore it’s unchanging. And, if God is this energy of love, God is this energy of connection, God is this energy of communion, then we are always one with it. It is unchanging. What changes is our lens through which we are seeing the same thing, seeing our life. And so, it’s important for us to really take hold of that idea and start to see the world from a new perspective. 

Truth Principles

Dr. Simmons says there are two types of truth principles. There are faith-based truth principles and love-based truth principles. Faith-based principles organize your attention and awareness on the presence of God in every situation. So, when you’re in the middle of the storm and you’re being battered across the rocks, when the missiles are flying back and forth, faith-based principles allow us to say “Wait a minute, there’s something more here. There might be another way to look at it. There could be another way to perceive what’s happening here, another way to see myself in the situation and to see the other in the situation, see something different in the diagnosis, or see something different in this experience of the death of a loved one, or see something different in the experience of just getting pulled off, being cut off on the freeway”. 

From the little things to the big things, faith-based principles open our thoughts and minds to something new. There might be some other possibility that we can learn from and grow from here. Where love-based principles organize our attention and awareness in our oneness with God and all of life. Love is that harmonizing energy and love-based principles bring us back into harmony within ourselves, bring us back into harmony with that principle of the ever-flowing expression of life, love and wisdom, bring us back into harmony with that idea of communion, of common union, of unity with one another. It’s that harmonizing attracting power that brings us together. 

Spiritual Wholeness in the Midst of Change, Confusion and Conflict

Now, in the midst of change, confusion and conflict, it can be very difficult to understand our spiritual wholeness because in life there’s lots of stuff going on and lots of things that are going to take us in different directions. This could be in any perspective, like the little things in life. That is a great place to start. I am always recommending that we start with the little things in life. Now most of the time we just ignore them. We get a little perturbed, but we shut it down. We get a little perturbed and we gossip about it a little bit, we talk about it. So instead of letting it go, just take a moment to reflect on it. Just take a moment to look at it. Whether it’s the falling out of a relationship, or it’s an experience of a diagnosis, or an experience of the death of a loved one. There are all kinds of things that happen in our lives from that blame, shame and guilt cycle. 

I used to think that all we need to do is become curious, to become curious. Maybe there’s some other way to look at it, but then I thought about it. What’s the first thing you do when somebody throws an insult at you, or somebody does something that you think is crazy. My first thought is “What in the wide, wide world of sports is that person thinking?” Now that is curiosity. “What are you thinking? Why aren’t you looking at it the way I would look at it? Why are you looking at it from that perspective?” Curiosity through the lens of fear, uncertainty and doubt, through the lens of competition, through the lens of, “I’ve got to be right. I’ve got to make it right. I’ve got to fix them” rather than curiosity from the lens of “How can I see this differently?” So, I decided to change it. The idea is maybe intentional curiosity or changing your lens, how to change your lens in the midst of the conflict. When you are being battered against the wall, how do you change your lens at that point? 

Turning the Other Cheek

There is a great parable in the Bible by the master teacher, Jesus, when he talks about “turn the other cheek”. You have heard it said “an eye for an eye but I say to you; do not resist an evil person. If someone slaps you on the left cheek, turn your right cheek as well.” The meaning of that is not to become a doormat. The meaning of that is not to give up and do whatever that evil person says. The meaning of that is change. Turn your cheek. Turn the other cheek in consciousness. Turn your lens. If you are feeling insulted, if you are feeling slapped then it’s time for you to say “Okay, now is the time. This is the part in the conflict where I can turn the other cheek so that I can make friends with conflict and learn what’s involved in it and find out what I can do to grow and what I can do to create a new experience through the lens.

So, the questions are that we can ask, “What lens am I seeing this conflict through? What lens am I experiencing this through?” Just start to name them because as soon as you name them, you are not caught up in them. As soon as you start to name them, they don’t become a part of who you are. They are not guiding you anymore. “Am I seeing this conflict from the perspective of what’s missing in my own life? Am I looking at it from my own missing puzzle pieces, the holes, the wounds that I have? Am I looking at the other person or the situation through their missing puzzle pieces? Am I focused so much on their wounds and what’s missing within them instead of looking at the wholeness within me, instead of looking at all of the good within me, instead of looking at all the good within them? Am I looking at it from a perspective of inner peace or am I looking at it from the perspective of conflict? Am I looking at it and can I see the other person in the situation from the coming at me from their missing pieces? If I’m seeing missing pieces in other people, if I’m seeing the holes in them, where am I like that?” They’re our mirror in this conflict for me to identify where my missing resources are. And then how can I fill those resources? How can I give myself that missing self-love, that missing self-compassion, that missing sense of “You know what? You made a mistake. It’s okay. We move on.” How can I give myself those inner resources to heal, to grow, to fill in the missing pieces that are in this situation? 

Looking at Things Through a New Lens

Now, this past week I had a couple of spiritual coaching calls and we were working on this idea, working on these practices. The first one was from a colleague, a guy who called me and said “You know, I’ve got a colleague and he is just not being friendly with me anymore. You know, we’ve been hanging out, we are friends but recently he’s been coming in and I say ‘Hey how’s it going?’ and he’s like ‘Fine. I’m good.’ Then off he goes. He’s not really engaging with me like he used to.” And so, I asked him “Was there anything that you did?” and he looked back and said, ‘Well, I think he might be upset about a decision that I made a couple of months ago. And so, I thought maybe he was upset about that decision and he’s being frustrated with me, and he’s being short with me, and gosh maybe the whole department thinks I made a bad decision. What if I’ve made a bad decision?” I said “Okay, so the data is somebody said hi and walked away. But the story you’re creating out of it is that everyone’s mad at you”. 

Just as soon as I said that, his lightbulb went on and he went “Ah. Of course”. So, the next question is, can we look at it through a new lens? Can we look at it through the lens of, is there anything else possible. Is there anything else that’s possible in this situation? Sure, you know, boy he could have had a bad day at home, something could have happened on his drive in. Maybe he’s late on a project, I don’t know. There is something that I don’t know about it. And then I asked him, “Well, was there anything that you did that you could have done differently?” He said “Well no, I did my best, I stood in my ground”. And then the lightbulb went on again and it’s like “Okay, I’m going to continue to stay in my values. I’m going to continue to greet him warmly. I’m going to continue to live that way and follow my guidance”. And that was the self-forgiveness coming into play in that moment, in that instant. The forgiveness for the other person, you know, it’s okay sometimes we’re going to have those moments. And then immediately he went into, ah now is the time to bless him. I said fantastic. Take it away. And so, we said a little prayer. We said a little blessing. We held a truth principle for that other person, knowing our common unity. In our forgiveness class we might look at it as, I fully and freely forgive you. I loose and release you and I see your good going to you with ease and grace. I see you whole spiritually. I see you finding your peace. 

The second call came in and it was actually kind of impromptu, but we started talking about — this person was talking about a lifelong friend of hers, somebody who has been a friend for twenty years or so. And the relationship has changed over time and that person is now, “You know whenever I say something, I want to express something that is happening within me, or tell a story or talk about me, well that person always comes back with, well you know that happened to me but five times worse. And here’s what happened to me” and how this was a consistent pattern. And the person, the person I was speaking with, coaching, said “Well, you know maybe I need to let go of the relationship. Maybe it needs to become, you know, a once or twice a year relationship instead of an every week or every day relationship”. I said “Tell me more about why that is”. And she said, “It’s not a forgiveness issue”. Okay, was what she was saying causing resentment? Yes. Then it’s a forgiveness issue. Oh. Okay, so how can I look at it differently? So she started to talk about how “Well, what I need in the relationship is to be heard. And what I need in the relationship is to have a deeper conversation. What I need in the relationship is to have an equal amount of time speaking”. Sounds all natural. Then I asked her to shift one thing. Shift the word need to want, just change the lens a little bit. She thought about it for a little bit. “I want to have a deeper relationship”. Now I asked her, now go in and just energetically, silently, see how it feels. What’s the difference between need, you need something and you want something? “Ah! The need is coming from out there. I want them to change. The want is coming from within here. I want a deeper connection. So that is different”. The lens started to shift. Instead of the idea of “Well, I thought I would go up to her and say you know, ‘Well that’s nice. Now back to my story’.” That passive aggressive move because we want the other person to change and that’s what’s causing our resentment. That’s what’s causing our stress is that the other person isn’t changing. So instead of that it was like what if I asked, “Hey, can we have a deeper relationship?” I asked her what’s the possibility of that. Maybe and maybe not and that’s reality right. Maybe, maybe not. At any point in time, you and I might have a great conversation. I might be willing and open and able and at other times, I may not be. So how do you hold that relationship? That’s up to you to decide how you move forward with that relationship and moving forward again from that place of union, from unity, from here’s my values, here’s what I’d like to see in the conversation and here’s what’s happening and decide where you decide to go. 

The irony is at the end of the conversation I said, “I need to go pick up my daughter to take her to dance” and she said, “Is it a need, or a want?” Oh man, I got caught in my own spiritual teaching. Is it a need or a want? The blessing in that is I really started to think about that. Well, it’s not a need, it’s really a want because I want my daughter to go to dance. I want my daughter to feel like she was taken care of. I want my family to be happy with me. But that’s still a judgment. That’s still putting some restrictions out there. That’s still wanting to change them or modify their experience versus what if I just said, “It’s time for me to pick up my daughter to take her to dance”. Feel how energetically different that is. There is no need. There is no want. What if I change it even further? “It’s time for us to end this conversation”. What if I didn’t even need to put in to take my daughter to dance because you know, to take my daughter to dance is my excuse because I got to go. I’m sorry but I got to go. We are still coming from that space of “I’m going to hurt somebody. I’m not enough”. No, it’s just that’s our time. I’ve got to go. End of story. 

Your Inner Resources

Through this practice, the idea here is that we are returning back to that inner resource within us so that we can see the lens differently, so we can use the lens to see the world differently, so we can use a different spiritual lens so we can find the gifts in the conflict, so that we can see the possibilities for growth for ourselves and for others if necessary so that we can establish a sense of peace of mind within, so that I can be in the center of that storm, whatever storm that we’re in. 

Let’s go to our affirmation. The affirmation is on the screen and I’m going to read it once and then invite you to affirm it with me. 

I free myself of limiting beliefs and conceptions that bind me to old conditions. I engage the world with the harmonizing energy of love. 

The purifying, renewing, vitalizing power of God is now at work. 

Would you affirm that with me? Together: 

I free myself of limiting beliefs and conceptions that bind me to old conditions. I engage the world with the harmonizing energy of love. 

The purifying, renewing, vitalizing power of God is now at work. 

And so it is. 

So, on this journey, on this adventure of finding spiritual wholeness, remember our practices, our practices to love, to bless, to do good, and to pray. Our practice of forgiveness to realign us with that which is already within us, that infinite source of life, love and wisdom so that we can stand strong in our power. And the practice of seeing it right, not making it right, of seeing through a different lens, of changing the lens so that we can see with clear spiritual vision. 

Next week we’re going to be talking about the idea of living life from the standpoint of living on purpose and the third attribute of spiritual wholeness.